A couple of you
called me out on my sense of entitlement and lashed out in anger at me after a pity post I put up about the handicapped table and peanut butter in Starbucks. And I'm actually not angry anymore. I get it now. I've also let go of the anger towards all the comedians who continue to use us as the focus of their jokes.
Some of you cheered me on and rooted for me when I didn't know how to cheer and root for myself. Others of you wrote letters of gratitude about the babies and children that no longer react because of the knowledge I've shared...which still blows me away. For all of these things, even the things that seem bad, I am grateful.
In the past two years, I excavated some of the darkest parts of myself and the reality I thought I knew. And in finding out the truth that I knew practically nothing, miracles were revealed to me.
Every sense I had intensified, including my ability to read energy. I now even somewhat understand why some have and are born with the food allergies they have and some aren't. (My non-traditional theory will be explored in an upcoming YouTube video)
I lost over twenty pounds by simply cutting out dairy, because I realized it was causing a delayed allergic reaction which worsened the environmental allergic responses. I also realized that energy and vibrational frequencies of music, tv, people and my environment play a major role in the strength of my immune system. Raising my own frequency and staying in a state of gratitude has been detrimental to my health and of course, my deep faith and trust in Source/Higher Power/God/Yahweh/Jehovah/Whatever You Know Him As.
I came to realize that I was trying to help, heal and save everyone but myself. I was the ultimate martyr and perpetual victim who identified and relished in the label of being a food allergy kid.
That ends now.
If every food allergy or gluten issue disappeared tomorrow, I'd be okay with that. Although, I will admit I would definitely shed a tear.
It kind of reminds me of this picture. I've always loved this picture for the way it seemed to speak to my soul in a way nothing else could (taken from the public-domain slave narrative pictures). You see these two young slave girls behind a barred open gate...and yet they continue to stand behind it, even though they are actually set free.
The reason why this picture resonated so strongly for me for so long was that I empathically felt the feeling of powerlessness and helplessness faced by these two children. Its a similar feeling within for those living with severe eczema from food or environmental allergies. That feeling of being trapped in your own skin. But what nobody will tell you in the medical field is that you have the power to heal. We all do. The fear and belief that things cannot change is what keeps people stuck.
Food allergies brought a special kind of attention. All severe illness or chronic diseases do. I know as a child and teenager, I didn't want it. I just wanted it to disappear so that I could be normal and not be the 'odd one out'. But as I got older, I'll admit that there were times when I wore the severe food allergy label like a medal. But I wasn't in any kind of war or even old enough to have served in one.
My war was internal. The war of self-hate and self-punishment for being alive. Guilt. For causing my family so much heartache, pain and financial debt. It was as if every vicious scratching attack was self-torture for not being the normal child they wanted. Add to this the many emotions I felt of close family members.
I know some of you will relate.
And to you I say this: For those of you who seek compassion, begin to show compassion towards yourself. For those of you who seek truth, first be brutally honest with yourself. There, you will find the truth. If you want people to trust and accept you, you first have to trust and accept yourself. For those of you who seek healing, it all begins with believing you can heal one day. That miracles can and absolutely do happen.
I am writing this blog post to let you all know I am not saying goodbye. I am simply transitioning to a broader platform to show the world the many experiences and dimensions that make me who I am and the things I do which make me happy and keep me healthy.
And even though I am no scientist or medical professional, I am sure as heck going to keep finding possible answers to questions we all have. Attempting to heal myself by speaking my truths. Along with some cover songs and original music. Lots and lots of music.
Feel free to join me.
Maya Marcotte (now on YouTube)